Sunday, March 18, 2012
How I Make Myself Presentable For Life
When I wake up in the morning I look like this:
I cake on a layer of really tan bronzer, I wont be pretty unless I look like I dunked my face in a bag of Doritos
Next I take my overpriced blush, fake a really big smile and rub that stuff all over my puffy cheeks
Eyes are very important to looking awake, smart and of course pretty, so I glob on multiple layers of VERY BLACK mascara on the top and bottom lashes, when the lashes begin to feel kinda heavy, that’s when I know I only need a few more coats
Then I take a VERY BLACK crayon/pencil/marker/thingy and rub a thick line across the bottom lids, I make sure not to do the top lids or I look like a fool
The last step for the face transformation is the lips, lipstick is cakey and tastes funny, chap stick smells like wax, lip gloss looks good but your lips are so slimy and sticky your lips will be covered in fuzz and hair by the end of the day, the magic solution is: Vaseline! It highlights the natural color of your lips and gives them the glossy sheen without the sticky stick-ness
Now I take my squirrel-nest of bleached hay and use a super-hot flat iron and burn the crap out of it, ahh look, now its shiny and straight!
WIN, I am now presentable to go to a public place. Is your beauty routine like mine?